February 2011
WatchInside Paul Rudd’s Computer.
I don’t know what this is, but I like it. I like it.
January 2011
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Sometimes I just imagine scenes in my head.
James Cameron: “Hey, Diane Warren! I’d love for you to write a little song for my next movie.”
Diane Warren: “DIANE WARREN DOES NOT WRITE LITTLE SONGS!!!”
And then she eats a small city. Or maybe just throws something. I dunno.
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You know how on Sunday night when you're all,...
That.
Money Making Jam Boys - Day Job
Holy shit, you...
Scary movies.
“AHHHHHH IT LOOKS LIKE THE SHINING, BUT WITH CATS!!” -me, after seeing the ad for Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 for the 7th time today.
I hate, hate, HATE movies with talking animals or talking babies. That shit is straight up creepy.
Also, chihuahuas kind of look like cats, you guys. You know they do.
rartastic asked: I just polished my boots and thought of you the WHOLE time.
Is that weird?
Is that weird?
We use the metric system in Canada.
Yet I don’t know anyone here who uses metric when referring to how tall they are or how much they weigh, even though it is written that way on our driver’s licences. Weird, right? Even weirder is how I understand pounds, feet and inches, but I have trouble conceptualizing any other units of Imperial measurements. I only ever learned the metric system in school.
ANYWAY, I’m like...
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I can't tell if it is a joke.
Someone on Facebook posts a quote from Shakespeare as a status update. Someone else (a person I do not know) replies with the following:
“LOL I LOVE HAMMLETS!”
At first I laugh because it seems like the sort of thing I would write. But then I stop laughing because dude. This is Facebook. What if it’s for serious??? And then I laugh again because it is also funny when people are...
It's called logic, people.
Mom: “Just warning you, the washing machine might not be fixed this week so you might need to do your laundry somewhere else.”
Me: “It’s okay, I have a plan.”
Mom: “Yeah, I think I’ll go to the laundromat too.”
Me: “Laundromat? Pfffft! I still have lots of clothes left. I’m just going to keep buying new underpants until it gets...
Huh?
Of all the Tumblr fuck ups I’ve seen, that one was the strangest.
How did you comment on a post that I can’t see? How did only the title get posted? Why don’t I know anyone who will bring me chocolate mousse right now?
I have many questions.
Breaking news? BREAKING NEWS???
lindstifa asked: How did you like knitting? Do you think you'll try another project?
Also, I think the Ricky Gervais thing would have...
Hey, it works for me. Shrug.
Wocka wocka wocka.
I love comedy. Humour is pretty much the only language I feel like I totally understand. I’m not so great with emotions, but I can find something funny about almost every situation I encounter in life. It’s how I deal with things.
I hate gross-out comedy. I never make poop jokes. (This is a fact, yo. It’s kind of amazing that I’ve survived as long as I have with this...
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Hypothetical situation.
If you should ever find yourself in a job interview and the interviewer says something like, “Yeah, so one of the people we work with is one of your Twitter followers! They love your stuff.” DO NOT PANIC. Turn that look of sheer terror on your face into a smile and say something polite like, “Oh, wow. Isn’t that something? The Internet is amazing, isn’t it? Really...
I am trying to teach myself how to knit.
IT IS NOT GOING SO WELL.
“So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I...”
– Cher Horowitz, in Clueless
My favourite part about being in my current age group is that finally, FINALLY, guys my age are starting to figure out how to properly dress themselves. At some point between the ages of 27 and 30, they just wake up one morning with a crazy thought in their heads: Dude....
I just learned about Cincinnati chili.
I am very upset. That’s just disturbing, yo.
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The New Old Fashioned
I tried to make an Old Fashioned once. It did not end well. I also recently watched someone else try to drink one for the first time. There was a lot of cough-syrup-face going on there. But this sounds like maybe something I could manage to not screw up: an old fashioned with blood orange juice in it. (My friend Erin tried it out and gave it a thumbs up!)
Glasses and no makeup?
What’s the big deal? That’s how I roll errday.
Peppermint chocolate soy milk.
File under: THINGS I WISH I HAD BEEN AWARE OF SEVERAL MONTHS AGO.
I went to school with a kid named Ryan, except he...
“Ryane”. Sometimes I’ll just be sitting around and suddenly I’ll think about how I probably should have punched him in his stupid face because of that “e”. He probably changed it himself to look cool.
Man, I hated that guy.
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Naps.
Whenever I wake up from an unplanned nap, I feel the same way I used to feel after finishing a math test.
WHERE AM I WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW AM I DROOLING???
Also, math face. It was a good nap.
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Canadian Pick-up Lines
As in lines Canada would use to convince people to come here.
Hey, do you like mountains?
Hey, do you like flat bits of land covered in wheat?
That’s as far as I got. What? I spent a whole 4 minutes working on those. I need a nap.
I watched the Palin video.
The whole time I was watching it, I kept thinking about how there was something strange about it. Something off. Was she speaking differently? No. It sounded like the usual nonsense. What was it? What was different? Why did I feel like I was being tricked somehow?
Just before I got to the end, I figured it out. HER HAIR WAS DOWN.
Oh, she’s messing with us alright.
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A comedy of errors. Many, many errors.
Some days it seems like every choice you make is the wrong choice. You take the wrong route, choose the wrong line at the grocery store, etc. This was one of those mornings.
I’m unemployed. I never have to leave the house before 10am. Like, ever. So of course the one day where I actually have a 10am appointment, it snows. OF COURSE. So I got up extra early in anticipation of this snow, so I...
Diagnosis: Nerd(er)
Today I went to the doctor because it feels like my head is filled with cotton and my hearing is all wonky. The doctor I see at the clinic is this super happy and cheerful Russian man with a really great accent. Before he came in to see me, I could hear him in the room next door. His patient was a new mom and a baby.
“Hellooooo baby! How are you, baby? Ohhhhh look at thees baby!” It...
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Hi Grandma!
Hope you are having fun reading this on your stupid iPad.
It’s fine. I don’t want one anyways. (That is a lie.)
Oh, I'm not falling for that one again.
How the conversation usually goes:
Them: “[Insert really cool story here.] That happened in 1992.”
Me: “Oh, cool. In 1992, I was in primary school.”
AND THEN I GET YELLED AT.
How I would like the conversation to go:
Them: “[Insert really cool story here.] That happened in 1992. And don’t even tell me what you were doing in 1992 because I’m just going...